Engineering Humor

Since we are engineers AND we're from Akron , we're probably all used to being the brunt of an occasional joke, right? But isn't it healthy to laugh at yourself (or others) every once in a while?

With that in mind, here is a selection of various engineering related jokes:

What is "Pi"?

Mathematician: Pi is the number expressing the relationship between the circumference of a circle and its diameter.

Physicist: Pi is 3.1415927 plus or minus 0.000000005.

Engineer: Pi is about 3.

The Job Interview

A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are being interviewed for a job. In each case, the interview goes along famously until the last question is asked: "How much is one plus one?" Each of them suspects a trap, and is hesitant to answer.

The mathematician thinks for a moment, and says "I'm not sure, but I think it converges". The physicist says "I'm not sure, but I think it's on the order of one". The engineer gets up, closes the door to the office, and says "How much do you want it to be?"

Top Ten Chalkboard Phrases Being Written 100 Times In Elementary Schools By Our Engineers Of The Future

10. I will not dip Cindy's pony-tail in liquid nitrogen

9. I will not hack into the school's web site and replace all of the teachers' pictures with images of Pokémon characters

8. I will not write the first 102 digits of PI on the bathroom wall

7. I will not create an expert system to predict how many times Billy Murdoch will have to repeat the 4th grade

6. I will not solicit fellow classmates' lunch money for investments in my software company

5. I will not publicly ridicule Sally for not understanding object oriented programming

4. I will not post fellow classmates' estimated future earning capacities (based on their 3rd grade proficiency test results) on my home web page

3. I will not give the teacher an apple made out of polymethylmethacrylate

2. I will not rewire the PA system to my diamond RIO MP3 player

1. I will not estimate how much the teacher would weigh when suspended in water

Engineering Units

Thought this might help you remember what you learned all those late nights in the library with your calculator:

  • Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
  • 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
  • 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
  • Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
  • Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
  • 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
  • 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
  • Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
  • 1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
  • Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
  • Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
  • 453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
  • 1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
  • 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
  • 365.25 days: 1 unicycle
  • 2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
  • 10 cards: 1 decacards
  • 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
  • 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
  • 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
  • 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
  • 10 rations: 1 decoration
  • 100 rations: 1 C-ration
  • 2 monograms: 1 diagram
  • 8 nickels: 2 paradigms

Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

Why engineers don't write cook books................

Ingredients:

  • 532.35 cm3 gluten
  • 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
  • 4.9 cm3 refined halite
  • 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
  • 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
  • 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
  • 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
  • Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
  • 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
  • 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

Directions:

  • To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.
  • In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.
  • To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
  • Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.
  • Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.